Knowing your particular being was an instant click in my universe, unlike others that I've met before. I wish time just stopped so I could cherish the laugh forever. Oh, I wish it lasts forever.
Months after our first conversation, we literally talk in daily basis.
You pulled me away from my rotten past, you gave me smile when I clung onto what makes me thinking that i just don't deserve happiness. You brought me up to the point where I feel as If only you can truly understand me.
I almost forgot about my poor fate and miserable life. I was very - very happy. It has been magical moments until today, when suddenly you think our time is up, and you told me to find my own happiness.
But how could I?
When nothing makes me happier, but you ?
I know that maybe you're dealing with your own nightmares.
I know you were finding your way.
I know you had to lose me to have it.
For everything, I would fight for you ... but right now, I am no Jeanne d’Arc who always win the battle - for this battle was long lost even before it's begun.
Then maybe, letting you go is the only key left for me to put a smile onto your face.
If only I know the spell to reverse the sunset into sunrise, I'll protect you from harms and hurt from lovers and life.
I'll drink the tears shed from your eyes, and kiss your scars so it’ll heal at no time.
I wish I had the poison to trick the time, so I could find you sooner and love you longer.
I wish I could met you when my life is in the Spring. Then maybe, I would have the courage to convince you to stay here with me.
If only we met when we were younger, when our heart were free and happy, I would love you more passionately like fire - I would love you better than the God of Night loves the moon.
But right now, I don’t have the courage to tell you what I really feel about you.
Cause what if it gives you unnecessary pressure and leave, or even worse, hate me?
Every spoken or unspoken word has consequences, but silly me, I almost forget that basic rules.
Never in my dream, that i’ll lose my whole love be drawn by my own tears and fear of losing you.
So until our last time, I don't tell you what I really feel about you.
Let's put the final stop into our story, even thought I believe that we are not supposed to end like this, but my minds tricked me into thinking that it would be better to let you go long way before you do.
Fun fact: if you sign the deal with the same ‘Balthazar’ as me, you'll understand.
Even though we hide the words to each other, and despite the way it ends, we secretly understand the unspoken ones, do we ?
We gave each other something we couldn't name, that any love birds would know :)
We gave each other something we couldn't name, that any love birds would know :)
Thank you for your presence, even at my worst. I hope to see you in another page of life - soon.
XX,
Kania Dachlan
